I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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