I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
either way he was missing a nipple.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
