I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
