you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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