Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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