Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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