I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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