OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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