If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
