My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
