Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
