She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you traded sex for a burrito?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
