cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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