I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
porn star boner night. come get it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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