two words: eviction party
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
