Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
