Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
