yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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