our cab driver is having phone sex.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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