At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
