pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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