Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
