I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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