An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
