I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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