shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
