Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
