we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
