Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
