We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
