this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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