Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
