Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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