i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
