I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Success! We fucked roommates!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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