quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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