Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
