To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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