If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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