I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
