what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
