Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
