Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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