don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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