i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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