I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
