Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
