I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
