I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
