Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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