I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
