first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
