3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
